today was depressing. its was one of the worst days of the year so far.
first, bio test was hell for me. bio has always been the easiest out of the three sciences for me so i dont know what i'm gonna do now that i know i flunked it. ok yes i havent gotten the results back but i can feel it in my bones that i'm so gonna fail. i spent so much time drawing the freakin graph and in the end it still looked damn screwed.
then, i forgot to bring my tie for assembly but that wasnt so bad cos i could borrow it from nadia.
the last straw was when the scholarship test results came back. i really really wanted it and i really need it. needless to say i got rejected. i know its no use moaning about it and that like only very few people got it but i really really want it. i feel so guilty every time the reminder to pay fees comes and my dad gets so stressed and i feel like i'm such a burden. i started tearing in class then it became outright sobbing when people started hugging me and comforting me and all. thanks all of you who made me feel so much better and who stayed back to dry my tears. i cant tell you guys how much i appreciate it. and to huiyi kristie and eenette who as usual, gave me encouragement and showed me love.
but i couldnt help feeling like a loser. didnt wanna go home cos i didnt know how to face my mum. she was really hoping i could get it. but the reaction was unexpected. she could tell immediately that something was wrong and asked whether i failed bio or something (which i did) and i told her it was hard, then i passed her the rejection letter and she just looked really sad. it would have hurt a lot less if she scolded me or something. i snapped at my sister cos she was being all nosy. maybe she was just concerned but she just always says the wrong things at the wrong time and it just makes me feel worse. i felt mean snapping at her but then i thought about how she sailed through her gep test and how i got rejected this stupid scholarship and i became real pissed again. i just went to lock myself in the toilet to cry. it feels good crying while you're bathing, probably cos you dont hear yourself and you dont feel your tears.