I have a few things on my mind right now.
Mostly it's how I feel about myself and my general attitude towards life. The conversation brought back a lot of insecurities I feel about myself. I learnt a few things. It's easy to look at someone else's insecurities and dismiss them but you never really understand until you're in each other's shoes. It's also almost always the case that you see the better side of someone else but can hardly find your own. I know that happens to me all the time.
I don't think I'm living my life the best I can. I've made so many mistakes and had so many regrets I don't even dare to try sometimes. I'd like to say that every mistake and every failure made me a stronger person but I don't think that would be very truthful of me. I am not a strong person I'll admit that. But I'll try.
I make so many empty promises to myself but I can't find the strength to actually uphold these promises and that's one of the things I hate about myself. I need some self-discipline. I guess I'm being a total hypocrite by saying that I try hard because in actual fact, I don't try hard enough. I don't want to be a quitter any longer. But it's a bit too late.
I guess you can say I'm pessimistic but I think I expolited my full potential as a pessimist after coming to RGS. I'm not blaming the school or anything but when you're hothoused in this environment where everyone around you in speeding past at the speed of lightning while you're constantly going off-course, slamming the brakes violently, lagging behind, it's hard to feel good about life.



and you, m.
Don't feel so bad. Thanks for giving me a wake-up call I really needed. Let's try looking past those insecurities and make the best out of what we have left. And what we'll be given. I think we need some self-esteem and let's try to believe that life rewards those who try hard enough.


Nandita and I seem to have little affinity on MSN. Our msn message history is mostly made up of offline messages to each other. And then, when providence decides to finally let us meet online, this is what happens;


miranda; says:
wow nan are you like
ONLINE
Nandita; Wow! You're such a rush, the rush is never ending says:
oh em geeeee!
it appears that we have met
CAN THIS BE TRUE
miranda; says:
THIS IS AH MAY ZING
am i dreaming?
or is this an illusion?
Nandita; Wow! You're such a rush, the rush is never ending says:
haha POSSIBLY
miranda; says:
COULD THIS BE REAL
Nandita; Wow! You're such a rush, the rush is never ending says:
oh, so this isn't miranda after all!
it's Ah May Zing
greetings May Zing
miranda; says:
oh so this isn't nandita after all
it's Oh Em Gee
Nandita; Wow! You're such a rush, the rush is never ending says:
HAHA
miranda; says:
hi Em Gee
Nandita; Wow! You're such a rush, the rush is never ending says:
yeah
hey May Zing

And I wonder why we never get to meet online.


You know, I have this thing about personal letters, cards, notes, postcards and the like. I haven't thrown a single letter/note/postcard that I've received over the last three years and beyond. I think that if someone bothers to sit down and write you something, the least you can do is keep it and appreciate that she put in the effort right? Well I was reading the personalised notes that Eileen and Guojun wrote and gave to all of us last year during sec four farewell and I feel pretty touched and inspired. It just felt like I was appreciated and thanked for a lot of things I didn't even know they noticed. And that means a lot. It's pretty hard to summarise what I'm thinking now.
Sigh I give up. I've been typing and backspacing for the last three minutes. Let's just say I wish I were a little more like them. No that isn't exactly what I want to say. Okay maybe it is. And also that they have a way with words. Especially Guojun. Wish I could write like her. And maybe, think a little more like her. Hope she's doing well that far away from home.

off to do ss pt.

America's Got Talent > Eli Mattson

I like him (: Not exactly hot, but he's got a great voice and I love the whole singer/songwriter thing. I know it's a talent contest but all the weird 'talents' freak me out. Call me boring but I still like talented singers. Well, I like that he seems to really 'sing from the heart'.

Huiyi and i realised yesterday how grossly we used to type in sec one (and a bit of sec two). sigh. It's pretty embarrassing to look back upon the days of strange msn language *shivers* And I blogged annoyingly in sec one. DON'T go look please. I am POSITIVE I am not alone in this plight. Anyone of you go look back in your msn message history (if it dates back to sec one like huiyi's does).
I hope my old blog is inaccessible. I can't bring myself to delete it no matter how embarrassing it may be. I mean, it was, after all, part of me. It feels strange to know how much you've grown and changed over three years. It's rather scary, really. I can't quite remember who I used to be. Yknow, i remember Eileen telling me one day while we were on the way home after Tribune "You're so YOUNG seriously!". I was sec one and she was sec three and at that point of time i couldn't comprehend her at all. I was like"it's two years diff, Eileen, c'mon". Trust me, that two years makes a hell lot of difference. Now I look at the sec ones and I get the same feeling (no offence to sec ones). It's just, being in this environment for three years makes you grow and change a lot (for better or for worse). And I kindof see a bit of myself in the sec ones, a bit of how I was (or looked like to seniors like Eileen) when I was still so new to the school, as compared to now when it's the end of sec three and I'm on to sec four in about three months. Change. Ohwell.
Today by chance, I discovered this book in which i penned a quite a few random poems. Strange thing was, I couldn't remember writing any of them. I can't even guess vaguely when I wrote them. I'm guessing last year or sec one. And I'm surprised that I can still relate to the poems. Like somehow if I read them without knowing who wrote them, I would know that I wrote them.

Strange thing, my memory is.


found a few funny pictures on engrish/failblog
HAHA







(:


A new responsibility.
Let's hope I can live up to their legacy.

And YOU. I know you'll read this sometime. (I hope you know who you are :)
I can't change your decision but I still think it isn't right.
Why is it that things are happening backwards instead?
Fighting - to give it up to one another. It's crazy and I don't think it all matters. What matters is that we all work as a batch, as a team.
But I'll respect your decision.


sick of this
the best way to convince myself is that this is a just a phase
hope it's not going to suck so bad for too long

and

i still can't believe it's happening so quickly. will miss her so much.
all the best.

i need some motivation


Huiyi came over today to study history. Well that's the legitimate reason. The slightly less legitimate one would be to spare huiyi the torture of computer banning, especially wrt FTLY. heh. Well we ended up watching only one episode and completing most of the revision so I think we did pretty well (: such self-restrain and self-control is VERY rare for me.

Now hang on a moment while i go close that ANNOYING pop-up that keeps asking me to 'make my monitor come alive!' Um, no thanks. I like non-living things to remain immobile and lifeless. I have a pop-up blocker, really. Just that it doesn't seem to be working.

OH. HUIYI, if you're reading this, you left your furry-ball-of-thing-with-2-eyes-and-a-nose-that-can-hardly-be-seen with me. SIGH. Maybe it's fated that I have to buy it from her.

just a random list of thoughts
I hope eenette's not drunk yet.
I hope marge's and my combined present for nan is still safe and sound.
I want a daughter more than a son. inspired by ms tay. heh.
I like crunchyroll and youku.
I'm glad mysoju's working again.
Except now, I have nothing more that I want to watch.
I need to study and stop making empty promises and goals.
School's starting in a day and I don't like the thought of it.
I dislike it to an extremely, fantastically, unbelievably large extent.

I'm going to sound like a primary one kid now.
I don't wanna go to school.


Why am I feeling like that.
I hate this feeling.
I'm not in the mood to study.
I feel freakin depressive.
It can't be PMS.
I hate this feeling.
I feel disgusting.
UGH.
I hate mood swings.


I'm still not over the FTLY fever yet. Sigh. And my holidays have been far from productive.

okay it's not nice. we're sticky sweaty and smelly. after training. haha. love you too amanda (:

Anyway. I haven't been listening to any Chinese songs in about a year. I decided to revisit pretty old Chinese songs that I used to like. (still like some of them :)Some of them brought back memories (:

当你 - 王心凌 (Cyndi) This is a really old one. It was simply one of the first chinese songs i liked a lot but i got sick of it after a while. Still sounded pretty nice when i listened again.

我可以 - 蔡旻佑 (Evan Yo) Haha. This one. Huiyi should understand. Still gives me chills sometimes listening. ugh.

梁山伯與朱麗葉 - 卓文萱+曹格 (Genie Zhuo + Gary Chaw) This song reminds me very much of Frique. We really went mad singing it in Kbox last year. Haha those were the days. It makes me pretty sad actually.

安静、借口、晴天、彩虹、夜曲、珊瑚海 etc. - 周杰伦 (Jay Chou) Basically all the Jay Chou songs. He's a good singer and his songs still are favourites with me (: I can't believe I used to hate him in Primary school. Haha. His songs are pretty recognisable. And they have a pretty feel-good vibe.

西界、会有那么一天、原来、简简单单、Saranghaeyo etc. - 林俊杰 (JJ Lin) Another good singer. I didn't believe he was a Singaporean singer at first. Haha. Talk about faith in our music industry. I remember listening to 会有那么一天 with huiyi & eenette and spazzing about how it would be cool if we jumped into the mrt tracks or something and came back as ghosts singing it. something like that. haha. morbid. JJ has a pretty feel-good vibe too (: Saranghaeyo still makes me melty heh.

专署天使 - (Tank) Okay I'll admit it I didn't really listen to it. The first few notes came out and my hair stood up so i skipped it. Not that it isn't nice but it got so overplayed with the Hana Kimi success and I really couldn't stand it by then. STILL can't stand it. (btw, what's his chinese name?)

超喜欢你、爱到 etc. - 飞轮海 (Farenheit) Okay I can't believe I actually listened to them. The only one i can moderately stand now is 超喜欢你 but I can no longer understand why i used to like it. Sorry to any farenheit fans but they can't sing. Gosh the hanakimi craze must have impaired my judgement. 一个人流浪is the worst. never used to like it still hate it. I don't think I'll be listening to any Farenheit songs in a long time.

恋爱达人、小丑鱼、爱转角 etc. - 罗志祥 (Show Luo) I used to love 恋爱达人. And it's MV too. haha I still like 小猪 and these three songs of his (:

痛快、候鸟、最近还好吗、愛來過 etc. - S.H.E. I'm not fans but they sound pretty good. Yep. They've got some friendly music that I used to like.

理想情人、曖昧 - 楊丞琳 (Rainie Yang) They basically remind me of Devil Beside You and Mike He <3

半情歌 - 元若藍 Okay i don't know how old it is exactly but i love it now. I'll admit it's 70% cos of FTLY. but yeah it's a nice song.

okay i think i'm done with my old chinese songs recap hee hee.

maybe i'll do one for english songs. always good to revisit past faves heh.

命中注定我爱你 FATED TO LOVE YOU <3
decided to combine all the pictures on paint. Easier to upload heh. Not bad la for a 5 minute job by a tech-idiot.




Visual blogging :D


Went for a family trip to the EXPO sales. how exciting right. sigh. There wasn't much to be bought but at least I got a pair of leather flats from Timberland.



The flower basket thing from employees of John Little for the opening of the John Little sales. Pretty and all right? Now zoom into the strawberries on the basket will you?

There you have it. A beautiful grey coat of MOULD. Seriously, how long has it been there?! Still dare to display at the entrance. tsk tsk tsk. At least take away the gross strawberries right.

Haha. My foot in a gigantic Timberland sandal.

Today, we met up with Aunts Grandpa Grandma and cousins for lunch at yep. Its a cosy place with yummy Peranakan food. And yes, we went for the buffet lunch.

Glorious food *smacks lips*

ahaha this one's pretty amusing. All the egg yolks were left there on the plate.

Nadia Me Mel <3

It's called the maotouying pose yo. owl anyone? It's our handphone wallpapers now (:

We were trying to create a Uniquely Singapore postcard. (unsuccessful, i know)

mir&nadia (:

We actually took a lot of other CRAZY and super unglam pictures which i will not post for the sake of our reputations. An example would be the classic orange wedge smile. You'll never see it. HA.

Afterwards Aunt treated us to a pedicure. hehe. This is gonna sound bimbotic but PEDICURES ARE THERAPEUTIC. It was my very first pedicure okay. haha.

Mel's nails being dried by the fan. The mini foot fan is so cute right.

My nails being painted. After my feet were scrubbed, moisturised, massaged and my toenails were cleaned, polished etc. I swear my feet have never been so pampered before. haha.

End product. Well, I was pretty annoyed cos the colour i chose turned out to be completely different. Oh well. Not like it's gonna be permanent right.

Okay i've had enough fun and I'd better get working tomorrow :O Actually, who am I kidding? I have NOT had enough fun. sigh.