A tribute to the little things in my life

I was on the bus that day, and I had some sort of an epiphany. I realised how often we associate beauty with opulence, majesty and grandiose, happiness with grand gestures of love, outstanding grades etc. Generally, these things seem to have to be big or larger than life or extraordinary to be appreciated. Then I realised that over the years I've learnt to appreciate the little things in life. Commonplace, everyday occurences that I can no longer envision a life without. These little things tend to be overlooked. Tiny flecks of shiny glitter that occasionally appear in a large pit of sand. We think it's a small, ordinary occurence, and yes, it does brighten my day a little but it isn't what makes me really happy. So what does? We dig and dig around in the sand pit doggedly, searching for that rare piece of precious rock that is of substantial weight and hence worth our affections. Most times, we aren't even sure what kind of rock we're looking for.

So I thought, why not collect these tiny flecks of glitter in a pretty glass container and appreciate how they collectively exude beauty as they sparkle in the sun.

The tiny flecks of glitter that brighten my otherwise dull and uninteresting life:
1) The warmth of sunshine on a damp foggy morning.
2) A sudden hug and 'goodnight' from my usually precocious sister.
3) Spinning my pen successfully after countless failed attempts.
4) Having someone to help me clear the dishes / wipe the table of their own accord when it's actually my turn to do it.
5) A neighbour holding the lift door open for everyone else to leave first.
6) Stopping by the window to admire the paint palette of orange red and pink hues that the sky morphs into every evening.
7) Having a quiet moment on my own to think about how yet another day has sped past, leaving in its trail only vague snippets of memory.
8) Looking up at the night sky to appreciate just how perfectly symmetrical the moon always is, crescent or not.
9) The comfortable silence between two close friends that doesn't need to be filled up with the too-loud laughter and corny jokes that accompany an awkward new friendship.
10) Noticing how a block of HDB flats at night is lit up warmly in individual units despite being shrouded in darkness.
11) Saturday afternoons spent with the Dwen An group.
12) The satisfaction that comes with completing a piece of work that I deem difficult to complete, and knowing that I could have procrastinated or cooked up an excuse, but didn't.
13) Daily train journeys home with people I'm glad I have in my life.
14) Peach Yami yogurt. 'Nuff said.
15) Waking from a pleasant dream that allowed me to experience something I really want to, albeit shortlived.
16) Remembering the dream.
17) The child-like pleasure and fascination we (Nan Marge Mans & I at least) derive from blowing mini-windmills on the top of pencils, watching the tiny blades spin into a blur.
18) The taste of familiar home-cooked goodness after an entire day of agonising school.
19) That fresh, slightly lazy feeling after emerging from a shower clean, dry, pleasant-smelling and feeling ready to take on the world.
20) The momentary sense of accomplishment that comes with finding the perfect word that describes exactly it while writing. If you get what I mean.

The littlest things really matter the most sometimes.


On Memories



HuiYi and I have been reminiscing. About the past four years of our life. With and without Frique. All the stupid things we said or did that we now look back upon fondly, laugh hysterically at. All those times we were down, how we pulled each other up. All the funny conversations, tiny squabbles about things that don't really matter. Yes, HuiYi, the word is nostalgic.

I think Sze Min said on the way back from the airport that time shouldn't be allowed to fly past so fast. Yeah it shouldn't. It should be outlawed.


huiyi says:
I WANT TO GO BACK
IN TIME
I REALLY REALLY WANT TO
miranda; night-entangled says:
you have no idea
how many times I've thought that
in the past two weeks


I don't get it. I still miss the Taiwanese as though they just left yesterday. It's official. I'm suffering from a chronic case of missingimportantpeopleitis.

And the memories. They wash over me. Unrepentant, unfazed, unfading. And it all comes in snippets. Triggered by something someone says or something I notice in my environs. More often than not, I'd be sitting staring into the distance on the bus, and I'd remember a scene. I wouldn't be able to help it, I'd smile to myself. But once the memory's over, there's nothing. And that's when the pain kicks in. So the following is more for myself than anyone else. I hardly narrate events but now I'll record down what has been eating away at my heart bit by bit the entire day. And I hope the memories will stay and the emptiness will fill itself up.

Today in the bus, I was reminded of the last day, when we were all sitting on our big blue plastic mats, happy as larks, lazing about doing nothing much. I moved over to Hui Lian's mat to discuss that evening's plans. Hui Lian was chattering as usual, then I started telling Mu Heng and Ming Lun how Hui Lian gets high over soya bean milk. Everyone laughs because it's ridiculous and nobody but Hui Lian can pull that off. Then Hui Lian and I start debating about Mustafa and Bugis street, all the Taiwanese who had absolutely no idea what we were talking about just amused themselves with our heated debate.

And then I remember waiting for Songs of the Sea to start, the anticipation, the cool evening breeze, the elation of a successful evening. Sam was complaining that he was tired, Sze Min and I were saying how we were so happy and so proud of Sam for organising everything. We teased Sam repeatedly, that he was all grown up, and had a mock parent-to-son talk that made Sam's goosebumps rise. We were elated. Then we totally embarrassed Sam by shouting out loud "Ooh... SAMUEL!!!" and the EVERYONE turned around to stare. We laughed so hard because our ploy was successful. Then the show was amazing, we were so high that we sang along to all the songs, Chan Mali Chan, Munnaeru Vaaliba and even the weird Chinese song. It didn't matter that people all around us were staring, it didn't matter that we were probably the loudest and most embarrassing people around. We were so happy and we wanted the whole world to know that.

Then, the luge ride. I harriedly ushered everyone into their groups, getting them all to queue up. Then poor Sam had to get the tickets one by one because of some miscommunication and total incompetence on the management's part. I somewhat embarrassedly unhooked the barrier to let other tourists go first because we took up so much space. I remember yelling loudly, clamouring for attention, beseeching everyone to please look after their stuff, get into groups of three, hold onto their bags. And then, we were finally up. Sam and I went last because we gave out the tickets. I was looking down into the vegetation screaming. "I'm scared of heights!" Sam looked at me sheepishly, and suddenly went, "ME TOOOOOOO!!!!!!" And I remember laughing and laughing as though that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I remember how ecstatic we were, with Sam yelling about how it was a well-planned night, us trying to take a photo which failed because we were too scared the camera would fall. I looked around me, with the Merlion and its bloodshot eyes, the serene harbour, the empty roads,the Taiwanese in the carriages before me, some screaming, some laughing, and I felt like crying. That's how ecstatic I was. And we screamed and screamed and laughed till we were out of breath because we finally knew how it felt to have all your efforts rewarded tenfold. Make that thousandfold. I told myself there and then that I would never forget that night. And I think that moment was one of the best of my life.

When we got off the luge, we were still ecstatic. Everyone was raving about how much fun it was. Suddenly someone comes up to me and asks "have you heard what happened to Amanda?" Amanda tells us Mu Heng would be glad to. Sze Min and I scamper off to enquire. Mu Heng looked at our expectant faces and with a conniving smile, tells us all there is to know about Amanda and her Grand Fall Off the Luge. We all had a good laugh at Amanda's expense. Pretty soon the entire entourage had heard about it. Everyone was in sky-high spirits. We walked everyone to the bus bay and waved and waved as the bus drove off into the distance.

And the final night. We loitered around the hotel and finally got sent up the bus by Rong Lan jie after making a phone call to a very cross Mr Ho. Took the bus to Far East and plonked ourselves down outside KFC. Qiu Le and me facing Amanda Samuel. We sat there talking, undecided if we should head back home or to the hotel. It seemed a potential dead end either way. So we pandered, debating, fretted like mother hens. Qiule made and received a few phone calls. I decided to call my mum so we'd have backup and go to my house. Everything seemed solved. We laughed in relief, played the games the Taiwanese taught us. Everyone stared but we were so tired we really couldn't care less. We witnessed first-hand why Orchard is a dangerous place after 12. The night seemed so long and it stretched out before us. But that moment seemed timeless. And we suddenly realised how reckless we were. Thought to ourselves that we'd never lie to our parents again. We finally decided on our fall-back plan, to crash my house and cab to Changi. We sneaked into Hyatt's toilet on the way to the NR7 bus stop. The wait for the bus was arduously long. But it came, finally. And we all felt relief as we surged up the bus and collapsed on the seats.

Fleshing all these memories out is tiring, but I think I really need it. Part of the recuperation process.


I made the terrible mistake of visiting Sze Min's blog.
Bad move.
Now, I miss them so much it's hurting again. YOUR FAULT, WONG SZE MIN. YOUR FAULT.

But she is right, we have the wonders of technology and it does make things a LITTLE bit sunnier.

A little.


Don't ask me why I'm still awake when I'm technically still supposed to be recovering from what might have been H1N1.

I just suddenly had this I-miss-Dwen-An pang and I decided, on impulse, to google search Dwen An. Gave me a few really interesting results. :D
Pounced on Hong En who was still online and we shared our findings :D

Result One:

http://dwenanwintercamp.blogspot.com/

It's this superrrrr old blog and there are some pictures of our duifus :D
I FOUND A SUPER CUTE PHOTO OF XIAO LENG I'm totally gonna show her on msn.

miranda; says:
I found another picture of xiao leng
HAHA I feel like a stalker
Hong En says:
wow the blog is really cool
super old
miranda; says:
I know right
Hong En says:
some of our duifus were there
miranda; says:
so many picturessss
YEAH YEAH
thats why!
Hong En says:
and even olivia looks younger haha
miranda; says:
see all the stalker behavior emerging

Result Two:

http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/taiwan/archives/2006/05/24/2003309792

I QUOTE:
"Taipei Mayor and Chinese Nation-alist Party (KMT) Chairman Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) drew criticism yesterday over his party's and his personal finances, as pan-green city councilors accused Ma and the KMT of improperly steering funds to two private foundations, and a pan-green mayoral candidate pressed him to clarify his personal accounts.

Meanwhile, DPP Taipei City Councilwoman Li Wen-ying said the Dwen An Social Welfare Foundation had received NT$1 million per year in subsidies from the city's social welfare department for the last five years."

Hong En says:
ooh cool
no wonder they're rich haha
miranda; says:
I KNOW RIGHT
MONEY LAUNDERING!!!!!!!
Hong En says:
oh my
coool
illegal assets and all
lols
miranda; says:
and we all thought they were a CLEAN SLATE
Hong En says:
oh well at least it helped our budget

Scandal much. BUT, "Ma dismissed all of the allegations as groundless." AHA.

Result 3:
A few blog posts from previous batch's organising comm. Pretty cool to see things from another perspective, similar perspective, and then see how they dealt with the whole I-miss-them thing. I wonder. What future batches would think should they see this post. I shall not think about that.

Result 4:
A few interesting videos from the last batch's summer camp aha maybe WE should embarrass the guys as well. Our videos are A LOT more embarrassing trust me. And disturbing. Ugh.

BUT WELL, most important video is here



The video description says that a senior from the first batch who took part in some singing competition composed the song and it has lasted through the SIX BATCHES! How cool is that. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL A LEGACY.


敦安之歌
我们相遇在这样一个时空
夜里星星灿烂犹如你闪亮眼膜
缘分悄悄地来到了前头
注定我未来不再会寂寞
因为有你在

不论是大热天或台风
我会永远陪在你左右
不论悲伤挫折或激动
和你一起分享那所有

从今不再分开

The result of 5 days of absence from school. Tomorrow shall be my be-a-good-hardworking-girl-and-catch-up-on-work day.

Let's hope I don't let myself down.

I'll have to run a thousand if they all run ten

I had the best sleep of three sleepless nights last night. Woke up only once to adjust my blanket. No sudden bouts of chill that won't go away no matter how many layers of blankets and jackets I pile on myself. But I'm now choking on super thick phlegm that won't come out. Half the battle is won I think. Stupid flu bug. Whether you're h1n1 or just some normal influenza bug, YOU'RE NOT SENDING ME TO HOSPITAL damn flu bug.

This bug is beyond sneaky. The doctor says I probably started infecting people 3 days before my symptoms showed. Which means, three days before Sunday, which is, Friday. D:
I'm so super sorry everyone I've interacted with, I really didn't know I was sick. And, please take care, you don't want to end up like me. It sucks.

SIGH. I HATE BEING SICK.

Haven't been this sick since I got chickenpox a long long time ago. Or is this worse? 5 day MC is seriously no joke.

What to do. I'm listening to my much neglected ipod now.

Now playing: pengyou, Frique version (:
It makes me feel happy. I miss them so much.

I will get better very soon!


The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly.
- Corra Harris

Reynard Chia

RIP Michael Jackson

I'm feeling horrible now. I'm thinking back to a very insensitive article I once wrote when I was in sec one. I'm glad I've grown. Thinking back gives me goosebumps. I really, never, ever want to see that article again. Sure, it was a lot of fun writing it. But what we didn't think about was that it was a personality quiz, and that the results were people. Megastars, no doubt, but people nonetheless. And who were we to deduce their personalities based on what we perceive about them from the media and such? I feel horrible.

So. I'm sorry, Michael Jackson, Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton.

Here's to a legend this world will never forget.

Heal the World



Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving.
If we try we shall seeIn this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

Man in the Mirror

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey

I've been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone
A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

Ben




I thought long and hard how to start and pen this post because I really want to do justice to the past three days I've shared with the Dwen An participants. This post will probably be my post-DwenAn sentiments and such, I'll write about what transpired during the camp seperately with illustrations. I'm writing this one day late because now I'm pretty sure I won't burst into tears while writing. Let's start with my total incapability to accept loss and say goodbye. After going home from the airport yesterday, I spent all day sleeping and escaping from the truth that they're gone, and that it's time to face my life again. Until I couldn't sleep anymore. Which was around 5pm. Sent an sms to Sze Min and found out that she was in the same state of distress, moped around a little bit more, cried for another 15 minutes, decided to stuff myself with junk food and finally called huiyi to talk for 1 hour and 49 minutes. According to her, her ears almost shrivelled up and fell off. Talked some more after that to szemin after I got a freaky phone call. I felt better after that. So I went to sleep, convinced that I'd wake up and not feel upset.

Oh, how incredibly wrong I was. I woke up all set and ready to go for Aspen. Then I remembered where I was going. Bugis street. And I launched into depressive-imissthemsomuch mood again. It feels horrible. Crazy, you think. Yeah, sure we thought that when Mrs Chew told us that the group who went over last year cried buckets at the airport. Until we were in the same position.

I don't quite know how to word this without sounding melodramatic and emo. It kinda feels like there's this big black gaping hole that just gnaws away slowly at me. These three and a half days have been incredible. Extreme highs, lows, friendship, loss. It has been an amazing journey.

When we left Taiwan in February, Mr Ho told us that "this is just the beginning". Why he said that, I had no idea. But now I do. Oh, yes I understand that fully. The three months of preparation for these three days have been stressful, intense, hair-raising and tedious. Above all, these three months have cemented the bonds between the eight of us and I would not trade that for anything in the world. I've seen how each of us has grown, learnt to handle responsibility, learnt to give each other second chances, learnt to love one another. We're, practically, well, a family. In a really weird way.

Most of all, I'm glad we put in all our effort and heart into the preparation. We wanted a phenomenal camp, and we got one. Despite the disappointments along the way, despite all the last minute change of plans, despite all our futile attempts at one plan or another, we made it. We pulled it off. More than pulled it off we HAD A BLAST.

Not only because of all the detailed planning and timetables and logistical nightmares, but because of the people in the camp. Because of the incredible group of people from Taiwan who have taken up a permanent place in all our hearts and refuse to budge. They're so sweet, giving, spirited and really funny. They showered us with gifts on the last day, but the best gift they gave us was coming to Singapore. It was getting to know each other. It's amazing to think of how we've progressed from total strangers to friends who cry and hug each other at the airport within half a year.

So yes, we cried. We miss them so bad. And we will keep missing them. But we have three and a half days of shared memories to look back at in the coming days. These memories will see us through, tide us over our tears.

As Yue Lin put it (this is a liberal translation of what I vaguely remember, and it sounds a lot more awe-inspiring in Mandarin but this is it):
The ties of fate that let us meet exists and it always will, nobody can take that away from us. We all share amazing memories, and so long as all our hearts are one, we will never really be apart. The physical distance between us friends does not matter.

I think there's a lot of truth in that, and I will keep missing all of them, but I will also remember that we share great memories. Nobody can take that away from us.


It was not too long ago that I thought
Emotions couldn't and shouldn't be hidden
But how and why to let it show
In a vacuum full of strangers?

A hundred pieces or so and I thought,
It'll pass, this lingering shadow

A thousand pieces or so and still
This gaping hole will close tomorrow

A million pieces and counting today
I'm not so sure what to tell my mind
Still, nobody but the same ones know
And nobody else deserves to know



I can't believe the second day of camp has passed.

I don't think I'll ever forget today. A little melodramatic, but I really mean it. I haven't felt so happy and contented for a very very very long time.

I need to sleep. Tonight will be peaceful.

Ciao.