I have a few things on my mind right now.
Mostly it's how I feel about myself and my general attitude towards life. The conversation brought back a lot of insecurities I feel about myself. I learnt a few things. It's easy to look at someone else's insecurities and dismiss them but you never really understand until you're in each other's shoes. It's also almost always the case that you see the better side of someone else but can hardly find your own. I know that happens to me all the time.
I don't think I'm living my life the best I can. I've made so many mistakes and had so many regrets I don't even dare to try sometimes. I'd like to say that every mistake and every failure made me a stronger person but I don't think that would be very truthful of me. I am not a strong person I'll admit that. But I'll try.
I make so many empty promises to myself but I can't find the strength to actually uphold these promises and that's one of the things I hate about myself. I need some self-discipline. I guess I'm being a total hypocrite by saying that I try hard because in actual fact, I don't try hard enough. I don't want to be a quitter any longer. But it's a bit too late.
I guess you can say I'm pessimistic but I think I expolited my full potential as a pessimist after coming to RGS. I'm not blaming the school or anything but when you're hothoused in this environment where everyone around you in speeding past at the speed of lightning while you're constantly going off-course, slamming the brakes violently, lagging behind, it's hard to feel good about life.



and you, m.
Don't feel so bad. Thanks for giving me a wake-up call I really needed. Let's try looking past those insecurities and make the best out of what we have left. And what we'll be given. I think we need some self-esteem and let's try to believe that life rewards those who try hard enough.