I thought long and hard how to start and pen this post because I really want to do justice to the past three days I've shared with the Dwen An participants. This post will probably be my post-DwenAn sentiments and such, I'll write about what transpired during the camp seperately with illustrations. I'm writing this one day late because now I'm pretty sure I won't burst into tears while writing. Let's start with my total incapability to accept loss and say goodbye. After going home from the airport yesterday, I spent all day sleeping and escaping from the truth that they're gone, and that it's time to face my life again. Until I couldn't sleep anymore. Which was around 5pm. Sent an sms to Sze Min and found out that she was in the same state of distress, moped around a little bit more, cried for another 15 minutes, decided to stuff myself with junk food and finally called huiyi to talk for 1 hour and 49 minutes. According to her, her ears almost shrivelled up and fell off. Talked some more after that to szemin after I got a freaky phone call. I felt better after that. So I went to sleep, convinced that I'd wake up and not feel upset.

Oh, how incredibly wrong I was. I woke up all set and ready to go for Aspen. Then I remembered where I was going. Bugis street. And I launched into depressive-imissthemsomuch mood again. It feels horrible. Crazy, you think. Yeah, sure we thought that when Mrs Chew told us that the group who went over last year cried buckets at the airport. Until we were in the same position.

I don't quite know how to word this without sounding melodramatic and emo. It kinda feels like there's this big black gaping hole that just gnaws away slowly at me. These three and a half days have been incredible. Extreme highs, lows, friendship, loss. It has been an amazing journey.

When we left Taiwan in February, Mr Ho told us that "this is just the beginning". Why he said that, I had no idea. But now I do. Oh, yes I understand that fully. The three months of preparation for these three days have been stressful, intense, hair-raising and tedious. Above all, these three months have cemented the bonds between the eight of us and I would not trade that for anything in the world. I've seen how each of us has grown, learnt to handle responsibility, learnt to give each other second chances, learnt to love one another. We're, practically, well, a family. In a really weird way.

Most of all, I'm glad we put in all our effort and heart into the preparation. We wanted a phenomenal camp, and we got one. Despite the disappointments along the way, despite all the last minute change of plans, despite all our futile attempts at one plan or another, we made it. We pulled it off. More than pulled it off we HAD A BLAST.

Not only because of all the detailed planning and timetables and logistical nightmares, but because of the people in the camp. Because of the incredible group of people from Taiwan who have taken up a permanent place in all our hearts and refuse to budge. They're so sweet, giving, spirited and really funny. They showered us with gifts on the last day, but the best gift they gave us was coming to Singapore. It was getting to know each other. It's amazing to think of how we've progressed from total strangers to friends who cry and hug each other at the airport within half a year.

So yes, we cried. We miss them so bad. And we will keep missing them. But we have three and a half days of shared memories to look back at in the coming days. These memories will see us through, tide us over our tears.

As Yue Lin put it (this is a liberal translation of what I vaguely remember, and it sounds a lot more awe-inspiring in Mandarin but this is it):
The ties of fate that let us meet exists and it always will, nobody can take that away from us. We all share amazing memories, and so long as all our hearts are one, we will never really be apart. The physical distance between us friends does not matter.

I think there's a lot of truth in that, and I will keep missing all of them, but I will also remember that we share great memories. Nobody can take that away from us.


It was not too long ago that I thought
Emotions couldn't and shouldn't be hidden
But how and why to let it show
In a vacuum full of strangers?

A hundred pieces or so and I thought,
It'll pass, this lingering shadow

A thousand pieces or so and still
This gaping hole will close tomorrow

A million pieces and counting today
I'm not so sure what to tell my mind
Still, nobody but the same ones know
And nobody else deserves to know